My First Night Went a Little Like This

Now this title was supposed to reference 3OH3!'s song My First Kiss. Please take my word for it and don't Google this title or else you will end up with a really weird YouTube video.

So my first night at the B&B; the owner, Gertrude, (name has been changed) was on some trip, she didn't tell us what the trip was for or where she was going and I still have no idea where she was, so I was left to my own devices to check in. My mom and I arrived after a few hours of driving to a quaint little house at the end of a street. I took the envelope with my name on it from the mailbox and opened the door. Now Gertrude had instructed me to call her the day before and in this call she informed be that my room was the first door on my right. But the first door on my right was a pair of accordion doors (see below) so that couldn't possibly be right. However, when I checked the note that Gertrude had so thoughtfully included with the key, my room was in fact the one with the, as my mom referred to them "shower curtain" doors. 

In my room there is a long royal blue couch accented with pillows. Some of these pillows are blue with silver sparkles and sewed on beads. The rest are neon yellow with tassels; put together they remind me of the outfits worn on Toddlers and Tiaras. Next to this couch there is a queen sized bed and my kitchen area. This kitchen has a mini fridge filled with expired milk products, a coffee machine with no coffee grounds and a microwave with no power cord. It's almost a comedy. After our tour of the bedroom my mom and I made our way to the bathroom.Over the phone when I asked if my bathroom was connected Gertrude helpfully said "Well there is a hallway but your're closed off from everyone else so you can walk around naked." 

Thanks Gertrude, I feel so....safe. 

The bathroom was the biggest surprise yet. I was met with floor to ceiling mirrors EVERYWHERE. Every inch of the bathroom was reflected. THE CEILING WAS A MIRROR! Does anyone really need to look at themselves that much? However I soon discovered I would be doing a lot of that. As one can imagine after multiple hours in the car one needs to *ahem* relieve ones self. Unfortunately Gertrude's toilet couldn't handle more than one person using it withing the space of 20 minutes. 

A few hours after my mom had left I went to use the toilet again only to discover that it was clogged. I, being the manly woman that I am, decided to attack it with the plunger so helpfully placed nearby. Obviously, based on the NO TAMPONS IN TOILET sign taped to the toilet, Gertrude's toilet clogged easily. So I plunged like my life depended on it then flushed. As I did so the water ran dangerously close to the lip of the bowl and I got scared and ran away. This process repeated several times until I decided that maybe being passive aggressive with the toilet would be best and so I decided to leave it till morning.

As one does when you are the only person in an empty house, you snoop. So I went upstairs (used the toilet there), and looked around. All of the doors were locked however in the hall I found an impressive collection of tea, flip flops and Equal. After not finding anything of interest upstairs I decided to snoop in my own room. In the table under the TV I found  8 bottles of Smart Water, 10 bottles of Tropicana and 6 bottles of Perrier. Extreme Hoarders Beverage Edition anyone??

 After all this traveling, plunging and snooping I was pretty tired so I headed to bed. Thankfully there weren't too many weird noises.

My door; I know you're all jealous. I know you guys wish you had a door like this.  

Introduction

I am currently sitting in a Starbucks in small town America. This town, for secrecy's sake will be called Smallville. In Smallville is the college of my dreams, which luckily for me was also the college of my mom and my grandma. But this blog isn't about college, rather the steps that I have taken in order to get into college. So my legacy is at Smallville College which luckily for me hosts a summer program. This program allows high school students to take college classes for credit over the summer. So after my moms 25th reunion and my grandma's 65th reunion I was absolutely in love with Smallville College. As soon as I got home I went on the website wanting to learn everything there was to know about the school, campus and the school's history. There I found the information about a summer session that ran for four weeks. I found classes that I was interested in all the while thinking to myself, don't get your hopes up, it probably won't happen. But the very next day I was proved wrong. When I presented the idea to my parents they were all for it. Then the search for a place to stay began. Because of liability (aren't teenagers rowdy things) high schoolers are not allowed to stay in the dorm. Upon hearing this my heart fell but I refused to give up. Instead I headed to the site I has considered fit only for finding roommates that would kill you in your sleep; Craigslist. (note: Craigslist is actually pretty awesome. For my experience I found no murdering roommate-seekers)
At first I was filled with hope at the number of results that came up for apartments for rent in Smallville. However that hope waned as I narrowed my search results. Because of my lack of car I had to be not only close to the college but also to a train station so I could head back home when needed. I also needed a studio or a one bedroom, preferable one that wasn't three thousand dollars a month. So once these issues were settled I started calling people, well my mom did. The first call was upsetting as my mom was told there was "practically zero chance". Those words were engraved in my head after I read the piece of paper my mom had taken notes on. Unfortunately the next few calls got worse. Worse as in they laughed at me. Apparently needing an apartment for only a month is laughable. I did NOT think that was laughable. After I hung up the phone I yelled some choice words at the phone, hoping the person on the other side COULD hear me.
After a while I decided it was time for my dad to step in. My dad is the kind of guy who you do not want to get on the bad side of. When he wants something done he will get in done. So he did some searching, got in touch with some people and voila he found me a place to stay. It was a bed a breakfast in the next town over Smallville Hills. Little did I know this bed and breakfast would be the source of my amusement and entertainment for weeks to come.